New Restaurant Ideas!

Fiesta Italiano!

The restaurant is decorated as a Mexican town square all decked out for a fiesta! Mariachi bands wander though the square serenading the lovely senoritas and everyone is served tequila with what might be little worms in some of the bottles. If you get a bottle with a worm, you get a free appetizer! If you drink the whole bottle including the worm, you get two free appetizers and a coupon for the gastroenterologist a couple of doors down the street.

But the big attraction is the Pasta Pinata! Hit that sucker just right and everyone gets showered with steaming hot pasta and tomato sauce! Don’t get one of those dried pepper flakes in you eye, though! Ay yi yi, that hurts!

Incommunicados

Set up as a normal appearing mid-market trendy restaurant — however all forms of written and audible communication are forbidden. Perfect for those social occasions when you feel you should go out with those friends or family members that you really don’t want to talk to.

When you call for reservations, the other end of the phone conversation is silent and if you’ve said when you want to come and the number of people on your party, they won’t listen, won’t write it down and won’t even acknowledge that you called. Their website is a blank page. You can make reservations though OpenTable but the staff is not allowed to read them.

Assuming you actually get in and get seated, the waiter will act out the items on the menu. You have to act out your order. You are not allowed to talk to anyone — not to the waiter, not to your dinner companions, not to anyone. Body language is strictly controlled and patrons communicating too openly by posture, gesture or whatnot may suddenly find that the staff has set up screens around them. Meaningful glances are also not allowed so special head bags are kept handy.

Some patrons will insist on making sighs or noises of appreciation or discontent. When this is detected, the staff will clamp a “jammer” to the offender’s table. The jammer buzzes at a level that drowns out the offending noise. People who get annoyed at the jammer and start complaining will soon find that they are unable to speak at a level louder than the jammer can generate. If the offending party tries to get up from the table, the jammer has the ability to use laser technology to neutralize the target. This is the entertainment provided for long term patrons.

If a jammer has been attached to your table, you are encouraged NOT to get up to use the rest room.

Paying the check at the end of the meal is a long, complicated process as they have to act out the bill and they are not allowed to read the denomination of the money or details of the check you provide nor communicate with a credit card clearing service if you try to charge your meal. Don’t try to get them to validate your parking, as you’ll just be disappointed.

Caveat Emptor’s

A neat, clean establishment with good food, a pleasant ambiance and efficient and capable waitstaff. All food is prepared assembly line fashion but chosen somewhat randomly based on what the last order processed was and what supplies are on hand. For example, if the last order taken was for a hamburger, only hamburgers are made until 2 key ingredients for making hamburgers are exhausted. As supplies dwindle, the chef can make up to two substitutions for ingredients he does have — for example, he’s out of hamburger buns but does have cornbread — he can substitute. He’s out of hamburger but has beets — he can substitute. The assembly line process is called a “run”.

If you’ve ordered during a run, regardless of what you’ve ordered, you’re going to get an item from the run. Hopefully, not from the end of the run as it may have substitutions and a grilled beet on cornbread with mustard, onion and relish is not anyone’s idea of a good lunch.

But the excitement comes in when the “Three’s a Charm” bell rings! That means that at least two key ingredients for everything on the menu are exhausted! Prices get slashed in half, but the chef gets to improvise with what he has left! Best to order something cheap and there’s no telling what you’ll be served!

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