A New Definition of Hell

CastleI was recently at a professional conference held at the Grand Floridian Hotel at Disney World. I could deal with the 8.7 Gazillion little kids running around. I could tolerate the omnipresent Mickey Mouse images abso-freakin’ everywhere (attached are pictures of the lamp and the arrangement of towels in my room). ¬†Mickey is apparently revered here like Kim Jong Un is in North Korea.

The first thing to drive me me to violent acts, however, was the 80% Disney content on the TV system — and half of it is in Spanish, so you can get wholesome in two languages. You can get Fox News for some reason (but only in English).Mouse Towel

All the female staff members were dressed like Amish spinster aunties and the male staff members were wearing light blue seersucker suits with red vests and saddle shoes. And all so goddam pleasant.

The true horror of this place, is just that — all the staff — EVERY SINGLE F__KING MEMBER OF THE F__KING STAFF — greets you with a cheery “Hello there!”, “Where are you visiting from?”, “Have a Magical Day!”, “I hope you’re enjoying your stay with us!”, “How can we make your stay more pleasant?” ARGH!

I’m convinced that they all have explosive devices implanted in their heads and if they don’t act syrupy nice, the Evil Disney Overlords will exterminate them. ¬†This really came across to me as the Village of the Damned.Mouse Lamp

I decided that I had to find out if they have belly buttons. Are they real humans or cleverly engineered robots? Not quite sure how I’ll find out. It may be on the news later….

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